Friday, September 13, 2019

Shonda's Recipe For Slumpbustin' archive from August 23, 2008

(Curt, could you be a sweety and pass this along to your wife?)

Dear Shonda,

I was wondering what you would do for Curt when he had a bunch of bad games in a row and got sent to Double A in some pudunk town?

My man came home late last night after a rough outing. He smelled like Miller Lite, strawberry yogurt and vagina.

Shonda, is there a recipe baseball player wives use to get their men back on track?

-Erica in Portland
Shonda Schilling
Dear Erica,

It's funny you ask about dessert, Curt is working on a souffle' right now. He's really taken to cooking since his "injury." Oh time I caught him with his head in the oven, the gas on high, windows closed, pilot light out while asking one of the boys for a match. Luckily Gehrig doesn't smoke anymore so we were saved there.

I do remember a time when Curt went through a really bad stretch. All you can do is "stand by your man." Athletes are worth tons of clams. Especially pitchers. Curt hasn't thrown a pitch this year and I'm eating steak on whale-bone china.

Some of the single guys will want to go out and do something called "slumpbusting", which I think involves some hard core eating, or roasting a pig or something. I know last year when Pedroia started out so poorly Curt said he had to be out all night because they needed to get a big, fat pig for Pedroia so he could bust out of his slump. I say let them go wild with the rock & roll music. With their pigs and beer. You know what they say "boys will be boys." Curt came home smelling like fish! You know, I think that pig must have worked wonders for Dustin because he ended up as Bookie of the Year.

Recipes? A good friend of mine bakes these cookies whenever her man is having a bad stretch. Hey, not everyone knows how many houses they have! If you don't have your accountant and real estate right there with you at the same time, I don't know how the heck you would know. I think we have seven, but it might be nine.

Anyway, here's Cindy's recipe:
Cindy McCain's Oatmeal-Butterscotch Cookies:

Makes: 5-1/2 dozen cookies View Nutrition Facts
3/4 cup (1-1/2 sticks) unsalted butter or margarine, softened
3/4 cup granulated sugar
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1-1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 cups rolled oats
1-2/3 cups butterscotch chips

1. Heat oven to 375F.

2. In a large bowl beat the butter or margarine, granulated sugar and brown sugar together. Add the eggs and vanilla, beating well.

3. In a medium-size bowl, stir together the flour, baking soda, cinnamon and salt. Gradually add flour mixture to butter mixture; stir until blended. Stir in oats and butterscotch chips. Drop by tablespoonfuls about 2 inches apart onto ungreased cookie sheets.

4. Bake at 375°F for 10 minutes, until the edges begin to brown. Transfer to a wire rack to cool.

5. Take off your dress, cover yourself in whipped cream and tie your man up to the bed.

Gotta go, I don't hear Curt dropping things in the kitchen.

Hope this helps, good luck Clay! -Shonda

No comments:

Post a Comment