Friday, September 13, 2019

Jacoby's Catch archive from August 26, 2008

Dear Curt,
Did you see Ellsbury's catch Sunday? I'm concerned about his face and the cut above his eye. Is he still going to be "Jonas Brothers" pretty? You see in my home the only way I'm allowed to watch the Red Sox is if he's playing. My daughter is in love with Jacoby Ellsbury and is planning on marrying him. I plan on living in their guest house. Do you know if the injuries permanently damaged Jacoby's face?
-Tom in Thetan


Dear Tom,
I did see Jacoby's catch, and it was a whopper. When they showed his cut face on ESPN, Shonda started crying. She said he shouldn't have to run into walls with a face like that. Of course, she makes me wear a knee high sock when we "lay down" together because she can't bare to see my "frankenankle", and now I have to wear an arm sleeve on my "frankenarm" too. It's getting to the point where I'm more covered than not when we hit the hay. I sincerely hope that Jacoby doesn't have any permanent marks, because he is about the prettiest guy I've ever seen. I think it's from all the frybread. The weird thing is, that fat humunculus Joobah is about the ugliest thing I've ever seen. He needs to go back to the sweatlodge, because he looks "under done".

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't mad at Shonda for noticing Ellsbury's good looks...It's like me pining over a Turducken when I watch football on Thanksgiving. Plus, Jacoby has been coming over to the house and cleaning the pool and helping Shonda out with the kids when I'm not around, so I feel really comfortable with him. He's become like a son to us. A few weeks ago I swung by the house and Jacoby was on a ladder in the bedroom fixing the attic stairs. He was in his tighty whities, and climbing up there when I opened the bedroom door. I think he was in his undies because he looked really hot, sweaty. Shonda must have been helping him out too, because she was in her short shorts and sports bra and looked really winded.

It's good to have friends, and I'm sure Jacoby will be as handsome as ever! Don't worry Tom, Jacoby will be fine for your daughter's special day. -C

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