Saturday, September 14, 2019

Going Deep Without Hazel -achive from 9/7/08

Dear Curt,

Last weekend against Chicago, Dustin Pedroia went 4 for 4 on Friday and Saturday. During the 8th inning on Saturday, Ozzie intentionally walked the 5’7” Dustin. He’s hitting .401 since June 14.

Curt, in the morning my son has bigger diapers than Dustin. How can someone so small be so good? Also, am I going crazy or did I hear Hazel is leaving NESN?

-Please advise, Walshy in Leominster

Walshy,

I’ll take your 2nd question 1st. Yes Hazel is leaving NESN. This has been a rough week for all of us. The only upside is that it may shoot some life into our old catcher because you can be sure those two were playing hide the Rem Dog. Her and her beautiful breasts will be sorely missed throughout the Nation.

But not all is lost. In a town filled with 19 year-old college girls, I have a feeling the network will find a solid replacement - fast. In a perfect world, Hazel would stay and NESN would still hire 3-4 other girls and have them rub each other down with peanut oil during pregame. But alas this probably wouldn’t be so. Her departure may force Jason to hit a baseball now and not the 1st piece of ass on the corner in Chelsea “on his way home.”

Dustin is flat out the best player in baseball. Yes he’s a small man. However, many, many small people have gone onto great things in life; Tom Cruise, Vern Troyer, and Papa Smurf are all examples of this. Dustin has a small frame but a big game. Many have written that Dustin’s success is due to his great attitude, work ethic, ability or that fact that he’s been living in the small space between Hazel Mae’s melons for the last 15 weeks. But I’d like to offer another suggestion: Curt. Whatever Curt touches becomes a winner. The evidence is clear. Just look at my track record in Arizona, here, people in Philly still talk about all the great work I did with Mitch Williams pitch in ’93. I’m a winner and anyone who works for Curt is a winner too. It’s only natural that someone on my team would be so good. Some would say even without me pitching, the Sox are still on track to go deep in October. Damn right. Beckett pitched a gem on Friday and now that Hazel is on her way out, he may stop experiencing “numbness” in his pitching hand. -Curt 
1920x1080 Dustin Pedroia Did Not React Well To Rumors Of Kevin Youkilis Being ...

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