Monday, September 16, 2019

Fey, Sarah and the Sveum Diagram -archive from 9/28/08

Dear Curt,

Did you see Tina Fey on SNL? People keep saying Fey looks just like Vice President Palin!

Curt, I disagree. Palin looks like Fey. I'd even say this is why Palin is hot. The glasses, skin and hair are all part of the package…but Fey is a liberal. Is this going to hurt us in November? Also, should the greatest Governor in the world start giving away free rape kits? -Elvis Elvisberg, Boston

Dear Double E,

I’m not really sure what you’re talking about. Of course she looks like Fey but hotter; she likes guns. Tina Fey is a blood sucking liberal who’d do the world a favor by taking off her clothes and rolling around in a pile of money during an Emmy after party. That’s what Shonda does whenever she feels bad about hating poor people. I keep a suitcase of cash and rose petals by the bed just in case she runs over a bum’s foot or something.

However, you’re right. Americans love their celebrities and it only helps politicians to look like one. They used to say Reagan looked like Cary Grant until we found out he spent most of his career in women’s underwear. Reagan should've kicked his ass for that one. Fey and Palin do look alike and there’s a chance America might get confused about who’s who. I thought I’d generate a Sveum diagram to get this straight for you all. Here it is:

As you can see these two have some qualities in common but there are more differences. Elvis I’m really glad you came to me with this problem. Helping America understand itself is what Curt does (but only after Shondakines has her afternoon scotch and footrub). Also, rape isn’t funny so don’t fucking joke about it, all kits should be free. -Curt (except for hookers and fat chicks) 

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