Friday, September 13, 2019

Josh and the Big Hookers archive from August 20, 2008


Can you tell us what's wrong with Josh Beckett? We heard that during his last game, Josh felt some numbness in his pinky and ring finger. I'm sure you know last weekend he gave up eight hits and eight runs over just 2 1/3 innings. The AP reported: "Beckett and manager Terry Francona both said that the injury could have been caused by the pitcher sleeping on his arm."

Curt, did Josh get drunk and fall asleep on his pitching arm?

-Tim in Providence

Dear Timmy,

"Sleeping on his arm" is just a fancy way of saying, "injured by a fat hooker." Josh has a bad habit of not caring about whom he "dates." As athletes we have a large array of hot broads from which to choose (esp. as pitchers). Believe me guys help themselves. Now, I try not to judge, because I understand their situations. But Josh has been acting different lately. He's a young guy, feeling his way through life. Well, not just feeling...I think there's probably lots of oral stuff and some heavy petting involved among other things. We don't hear a whole lot about Josh's ladies anymore, used to be an Alyssa Milano here, LeeAnn Tweeden there, now it's pretty much 250 lb hookers named Destiny. He swore off "hot broads" as he calls them a few years back after a particularly empty and dissatisfying night with the Finnish volleyball team. Since, he's decided to only go after overweight and usually tooth-challenged vagrant type prostitutes... you know the ones. Now as a Christian, I don't condone prostitution, but he's not married and what the hey, it's better than just marrying the first Hot Stripper Barbie Blonde that falls into your lap (cough...Michelle Damon...cough). I think one of these large ladies of the night somehow landed on Josh's arm during the throws of passion...but I hope not, because that could be the end of his career. Either way, if you're a fat prostitute, go easy on Josh - even if he begs.

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