Saturday, September 14, 2019

Abstinence and Shonda's Win-Win -archive from 9/8/08

Dear Shonda,

I'm worried. My husband recently hired a new employee at his work and she's really pretty. They've been spending so much time together. She even knows a lot about sports and guns. I keep meaning to confront my husband when he gets home but we own so many houses it's hard to keep tabs. Shonda is my husband a Wade Boggs?
Cindy in Phoenix

Dear Cindy,

Cindy, I'm going to be honest with you, it doesn't sound good. That's one good thing about Curt, his hobby is video games, so unless a clammy 14 year old boy is going to sleep with him, I'm in the clear. Although, the "so many houses" line has me thinking...

Why do you care? Hear me out. Sounds like your man is a provider...multiple houses, employees, he wears pants - sounds like a real go getter. Now let's say he is having an affair with Miss TittyGunSportsDesk. You? For one you probably don't have to sleep with him anymore. If he's a Republican and old, he probably has a dangling gullet. Even Boggy is starting to grow one now. Those are gross. If the cheating really upsets you, hire a PI and a good lawyer. You can probably get most/all of his money AND not sleep with him. In Wifedom, we call that a win-win. Let he and Miss Gun Tooter whoop it up, you’re the one with the money, multiple houses and I assume, multiple Latin pool boys. Don’t worry Cindy, you've got my vote. Gotta go, Curt’s just made a fresh batch of low fat, seven grain muffins.


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