Thursday, September 26, 2019

Yaba Daba Donald

Dear Curt, 

I think it's pretty obvious the whistleblower is a Clinton. That much we know, Why would acting director Maguire even investigate the complaint if he knows Trump hasn't done anything wrong. Why not out the blower on Breitbart and club him in the face with a dinosaur bone Flintstone style?  We could make lil' Adam Schiff watch.  

Curt if Trump steps down, who becomes our leader next? Is it Melania or you? (I hope it's both of you!, your brains and her class). You've always been a great friend on Ukraine! 
-Yuri, Kiev


You can’t spell whistleblower without blow. They can’t stand that Trump has drained the swamp and they just want him gone. Nobody outed Obama as an islamofacist Isis member, which seems worse to me than asking the Ukraine to share gossip about Biden’s alive son. (I know there’s a dead one, but I’m not good with libtard names). 

Pretty sure Pence gets the nod, but I am ready to serve as his vice. It would be an honor to bash the gays and ladies alongside him! But this won’t go anywhere-because Trump is the top dog...he’s 100% above the law. 

Why the hell else would anyone agree to be the president? -Curt

Monday, September 23, 2019

He who seizes your dangling Crimea

Dear Curt, 
It's so obveous. Hunter Biden laundered Obama's billions money through Ukrainian oil refineries to secure uranium rights (Hillary) and build bombs for another pizza shop front on the secret pedophile island big government Democrat donors own but that doesnt appear on any main stream media maps. Coincidence? Obvious they're all in on it. WE 'RE NOT STUPIP. Hell burns sinners. 

God bless you and President Trump. Your both sent here from heavens angels.  Your proof jesus proof does love us even though we are all dildos.

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." 

Believe in 3rd comings QQQQ. --Anonymous Terry

Dear Anonymous Terry, 
Thanks for the compliments. I honestly agree with all your points. I still eat pizza, but I bake them at home and don’t use any pedophile endorsed cheeses or meats. 

The Nukranians and Russians are being worked by Trump like a couple of Kushners in a Manhattan real estate deal.  I can’t believe how blind the fake media is to the fact that Biden’s alive son was doing business when Biden was Vice President.

Those Ukrainians have everyone fooled. They dangled Crimea our there for Vlad. What was he supposed to do? They then did business with the Vice President’s alive son. Evil stuff. 

“Happy is he who repays you for what you have done to us / He who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks."

Stay in the shadows Anonymous Terry! 


Saturday, September 21, 2019

Donald Trumpski

Dear Curt, 

Does it really matter if President Trump asked the Ukraine to investigate Biden? -Anzhelika

Dear Anzhelika, 

Last time Curt checked, Russia and Ukraine were enemies. This just proves Trump is a master tactician. He can work with anyone: Despots, Nazi’s, Commies, Rudy...Just not those libtards in his own country.  Trump would have won both world wars by negotiating. Hitler? Trump would have negotiated him down to Poland and Austria and maybe around 4 million Jews. 

Best. President. Ever. -C

Thursday, September 19, 2019

One in the Hand, Two in Your Bush

Dear Curt,  

'Recently' at a party a man put his penis in my hand. What should I do? 

A) laugh it off cuz I was asking for it (pretty hands)
B) wait for the FBI to call (*still)
C) stroke it
Please help me Curt. You're a genius. -Debbie, VA

Dear Debbie, 
Men, unlike women like sex. It’s always polite and right to take care of that urge. Do you know that if you don’t touch it, it hurts? Who knows, that penis might have been connected to your future husband, so I hope you took good care of him. -Curt

Tuesday, September 17, 2019

Shakey Wakey - achive from 10/14/08

Dear Curt,

I feel like this series is done Curt. The Rays are just a better team. They're hungrier. Infielders get after the ball, good pitching. The next will be the Red Sox 25th ALCS game in the last 5 years. Is it time to pass the torch? Am I a pussy? -Fat Lady, Weymouth


"The Rays?" Are we talking about the Tampa Bay Devil Rays here or the 1927 Yankees? Is Longoria Gherig? BJ Upton Babe Ruth? Just a year ago, hell 16 months ago, these retreads and AAAA players were already making offseason you think the series is over? The Red Sox are champions, and champions rebound. You are indeed a pussy. The Rays, are throwing a guy tonight who throws about 86 mph, which I could do three days after my surgery. The Sox are going with Wakes, who I know can strike some fear in the hearts of Sox fans everywhere. But hear me out, Shakey Wakey will be solid, and go 7-8 innings and the Sox will win the next three straight. Then they'll go and kick the snot out of Philly, and it will be Duck Boats and champagne for the Hub again. Hang in there, hit the bible, vote Republican and all will be well. Go Sox -Curt 

The Doctor is Always Right - archive from 10/10/08

Dear Curt,

Am I confused or are you pitching in the ALCS and the World Series THIS YEAR? I swear that's what I read in the globe this morning... Halle in Tampa

"Curt Schilling could have been ready to pitch in the American League Championship Series, according to his surgeon. Dr. Craig Morgan said yesterday that if the Red Sox had followed his advice to operate on Schilling's shoulder last winter, the righthander likely would have been ready for the postseason. "If the [team] would have let me do the surgery in January, he'd probably be pitching in the playoffs now," Morgan said in a telephone interview. Schilling, who turns 42 next month, missed the entire season after having shoulder surgery in June. The Red Sox won the AL wild card without him. Only 3 1/2 months after the operation was performed, Morgan yesterday described Schilling's shoulder as "phenomenal." Morgan wanted to operate last January, then said during spring training that the only way Schilling might have been able to pitch this season would be if he had surgery. Gill recommended rehabilitation and Schilling went along reluctantly because he was obligated under his contract to follow the team's plan." (Boston Globe)

Dear Halle,

It's not quite true. That's not what the article said, it said had the Red Sox listened to Dr. Frankenstein Morgan and let him do another frankensurgery on my shoulder when he said I should, I'd be firing 98 mph fastballs at Johnny Gomes' head tomorrow. But, because they listened to "sound medical advice" they thought I could rehab and face the Royals in June. It turns out that my Frankendoctor was right and there's was too conservative/stupid to do the surgery. So now, we have to sit and watch Dice K walk guys, Beckett clutch his side and Wakes float that "thing" up there and pray to Jesus it flutters. Otherwise, it's going to be a long series, or a short one, I guess. Honestly, I have been 24/7 in my home hyperbaric chamber and could probably pitch in the world series, if the Pansy Red Sox doctors will let me. Dr. Morgan has also said he could surgically replace my shoulder with a shoulder from a corpse and I could pitch tomorrow. So, I'm muling my options. Yours in stiches, -Curt 

Curt's Return - archive from 10/9/08

Dear Curt,

I got the excellent news that you are considering comeing back to the Red Sox for another season, or half a season anyway. Have you bounced this off John Henry or Theo yet? Thanks, -Nicollette in Malibu

Dear Nicollette,

Talk to Theo? John Henry? Really? Like what, they have enough pitching? Really, kind of funny to see a guy named Nutsack, or Hanjob pitching in an actual Major league baseball game. Though, if the Yankees were closer and that game meant something who would have pitched? Javier Lopez? Or that one eyed pitcher from Pawtucket? Get real. When you have the option of filet mignon, why would you order a grilled cheese? I mean you wouldn't, unless you didn't have the 20 bucks to get one, and we all know that Mr. Henry has some seriously deep pockets. Theo? Well, seeing that Theo pops over to my house for Thanksgiving dinner once in a while, I think I have 'Lil Einstein wrapped around my pinky finger. (Not the one on my pitching arm - injury possibility). So yeah, I think the Red Sox will drool over the notion of having me back, especially when they are working on back to back to back! -Curt 

Lowell's Hip - archive from 10/6/08

Dear Curt,

I'm worried about the Red Sox. Beckett did not look sharp last night, Lowell can barely walk, Casey's not even injured and he's slower than Lowell and Pedroia is playing like his size: Small. Is there any hope that these guys make it to the next round let alone the World Series? -Nervous in Newton

Dear Nervous,

Really, was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Look, the Sox are a veteran team and from time to time veterans get injured. Sure, my grandmother has better hips than Lowell, but she can't hit a breaking pitch. Pedroia and Beckett are obviously hitting the bars a little too late at night. Those guys think this is a frat house and not the major leagues. Personally, I've been blogging from the hyperbaric chamber and almost have feeling in my right arm! I may just be more game ready than Josh at this point. What the hell is an oblique muscle, and how to do you "pull" it? I'm no doctor but I might as well be for all the hospital rooms I've seen in my career! Trust me, I know Josh, and he does a lot of "pulling", but I have no idea what kind of super powered porn he was looking at to hurt a muscle in his stomach. Not for nothing, but I'd also be concerned about Papi. He seems to be hitting the ball straight up in the air, which is a neat party trick, but it's not going to cut it in the playoffs. All of that said, the Red Sox are STILL the best team, and the team to beat. They will beat the Angels tonight - 5-2. Little Petey will have three hits, and Josh will nail two fat hookers before his next start. Bring that to the bank (if your bank is still open). -Curt 

Like Curt, Biden Bleeds in St. Louis - archive from 10/3/08

Dear Curt,

I am so sick of reading about your politics. The crisp night air, the Sox chasing another one, and all you care about is the stupid election. Can you please, please blog about baseball again? - Hayden in DC

Dearest Hayden,

I agree completely. But did you see the Veep debate last night? Sarah reduced Biden to tears. It was a blood bath in St. Louis, just like when my sock was bloody for the second time in St. Louis in 2004 (see bloody sock part deux). As soon as she went all "energy plan" on his tired old ass, he broke down like a wailing Indian lady on a documentary on the History channel. It was GAME ON when she said "Drill Baby Drill." That will be the one liner that defines the election. If we don't start drilling everywhere, we'll run out of oil and have to go to the land of the Sheiks with our hands out again. I thought it was cool how Governor Palin just smiled and stayed ON TOPIC when Biden broked down. She smiled and started right in on Clean Coal. Gotta love that, no mercy...tears are for the weak, and Biden and Osama are definitely that. The tide has turned, the momentum shifted...I expect to see Barack begging for the end in next few weeks. Hayden, I'm not sure when you turned legal but I assume it's ok to talk to you on-line now. You're like 20, right? Shonda just took the kids to Applebees and then the shooting range so daddy can "work" on 38. Daddy needs some private time with you as his desktop background. Thanks hero. -Curt