Monday, April 24, 2017

Joanie Loves Oxy

Since Joanie died from drugs (liberal's fault, they love drugs), will Scott Baio be able to devote his time to helping Trump with reelection? -Ralph, WI

Dear Malph,
Joanie's death is like a window into Hollywood. Get famous, get drugs, die in a hotel in Indiana.  Baio got famous, got drugs, GOT JESUS and never goes to Indiana. Chachi, nugent, kid rock...all the biggest, a-listers are firmly behind the Donald.

I am thinking Baio replaces Spicer soon. With his command of the language, all around good looks and that bandana tied around his pant leg, he's making child stars great again.  He's what America needs.


STONED (1980) Scott Baio and his stoner pal laughing * After School Special *

Monday, April 17, 2017

M.O.A.P. = Mother of All Presidents

I'm so glad the President has decided to bomb more foreign places. If he drops a MOAB on CNN, how will anyone find out about it? No one reads fake news anymore. -Chuck, NY

PS, My friend Eli Manning was wondering if you could get him some game-used inauguration hairspray or lip tanner? He will pay!

Dear Chuck,
Dropping a gigantic bomb on terrorists really gets my man juices flowing. Poor Shonda, I've been chasing her around the house telling her I have the mother of all bombs for her due to the inspiration I drew from Trumps STRONG move. Huge bombs and missile attacks sort of do it for me.  

Sure the airfield he hit with 40 million dollars worth of bombs was operational the next day, but the images of the missiles being fired from our ships was AWESOME. Between that and the MOAB being dropped, I don't understand why the liberals are marching about taxes? This is what your taxes pay for: Awesome bombs that kill terrorists and render airfields worthless for 20 or so hours!!

Between the Bombs, Missiles and Drones - I'll be hard for a month!

Eli Manning is a loser, I can get Big Ben's signature for you. I'm kind of a big deal in Steelers nation. I just have to pose as a drunk, nearly passed out girl at a bar to get his attention. -Curt 

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Why Is Trump So Insecure?

Why is the President tweeting about Hillary Clinton? Is he insecure? -Rick, Springfield

Insecure? He's the leader of the free world, has perfect hair, a winter tan and a beautiful smile. He is the definition of a winner and the only person who's done better is Tommy Ballgame. If 45 is upset about anything, it's that he doesn't have Tommy's ability to be great instead of just Tweeting at 5 am about why the media is lying that he isn't. He does have Hillrod right where Russians want her though, wandering in the woods with her pedophile hubby

When Trump can score 25 points in 40 seconds while a billion people watch, then he's got it all. Until then, he's just a rich guy who hates everything. -C

Sunday, April 2, 2017

What's Next for 45?

With the president's health care legislation victory and his polling numbers at an all time high, what's next for 45? -Ted, Omaha

I am so relieved that some patriotic Americans don't believe the fake news.  We've drastically improved relations with Russia, stopped forcing companies to follow rules and we're all ready to stop abortion and put more guns on the street! We are winning so much that I can't wipe this grin off my face. In fact, my face hurts worse than when Shonda got the bad batch of Botox in her cheek. She looked like Alvin the chipmunk.