Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Milo and Potus

Curty,
With Milo out, can people still download pics of naked men on the Breitbart private server? -Steve, Penn


Dear Steve,
Milo is a great American who liked to rock the boat a little so the liberal left decided to vilify him just because he thinks NAMBLA (North American Man Boy Love Association) is cool. 

Where is the liberal outrage over Roman Polanski or Woody Allen?  Is it different because Milo is gay and talks about little boys rather than little girls? (Don't worry, he HATES gays).  I think he also said that he just thought it was cool how older guys sort of help guide and introduce the boys into adulthood, helping them learn to explore their sexuality. Who could be against that?  It's like Big Brothers and Sisters, only with sex being the fun activity they do instead of playing catch or painting. Gays generally don't play catch, despite having pitchers and catchers - I had to have this all explained to me.
Anyway, Milo took one for the team and decided to leave Breitbart, but the content will continue to feel like Milo wrote it.  The hate filled racist, misogynistic and nationalistic tone to Breitbart will not be squelched.  The physical person Milo may not be at Breitbart, but his abject love of hatred continues to inspire us all. -Curt

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Orange is the New Black

Dear Curt,
I was supposed to meet with the Pretty Albino Leadership (PALe) of the Rich Republican Caucus but I haven’t had the time. Curt, can you set up a meeting for me? -Chad, Orange County


Dear Chad,
I might be able to help. First, I'll need the list of the Rich Republican Caucus with the best time to reach them.  Alternate contacts will help too.  Someone needs to fund my run against Lezzie Pocahontas because Shonda says after Amular my days of self funding are done. Seeing that self has no funds, that won't be much of a problem.  

Did you see Donald's press conference and kick ass rallies?  I say if you are good at campaigning, why stop?  He should run against Hillary, Obama and the Media every day so we can see "Optimum Donald" instead of the one who has to make decisions and think hard and say smart things.Curt


Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Out Like Flynn

Dear Curt,
How can Trump allow Michael Flynn to resign after he lied about Russia? Trump invented that. If Flynn isn’t stealing from the truth and giving it to the alt-right by re-tweeting fake Hillary news, how will we know what’s really real?

PS. Congrats on inspiring UCONN to 100 with your greatest.  –Ron 
Dear Ron,
Just because Flynny and the Donald love Russia, doesn't make lying about Russia okay. Unless Trump does it, but that's okay because he's the president and you know, secret diplomacy and all that.  Spicey and Kellyanne will keep you informed.You also have Breitbart and the POTUS twitter feed, so there are fair, independent news sources all around us to find the truths.  Trump has an endgame with Russia, I'm just not sure exactly what it is. And that's okay! Why should every move be in the media?  By pretending to like Russia, maybe that gives us a leg up on someone else. (China, Canada?) Anyway - we have to stop the lying media from reporting about the president.  They will expose all his brilliant plans that he keeps to himself so the terrorists don't win.  Hello? What kind of attack is better, the one we advertise for months before it happens or a sneaky, surprise attack that nobody sees coming? I rest my case. 

Women's basketball is like watching JV high school, but Geno has some good guys there at UCONN getting it done day in and day out. I'm not sure which bathroom they use though.
XOXOXOX -Curt 


Friday, February 10, 2017

I Have a Meme


Dear Marty,

E-Lezzybeth Warren should spend more time serving her constituents than quoting famous dead people's wives. What's next Yucko Ono and Courtly Love? Newsflash, nobody cares about that garbage. When famous alive heroes like Dave Duke are enthusiastic about Sessions, so is Curt! McConnell invoked the 32nd amendment that reads: "Bitches need be quiet when the men are speaking," and he stopped that train wreck before she could bore us with more woman speak. Sometimes they open their mouths and all I hear is Charlie Brown's teacher. Go Jeff! -Curt





Thursday, February 2, 2017

Is Australia Even a Real Country?

Curt, 
Is Australia even a real country? -Paul, Scranton

Dear Paul,
I think it's a continent, but all that they have are kangaroos, fosters lager, boomerangs and outback steak. I'm pretty sure our scientists can work on figuring out how to make a Blooming Onion, now that Trump has fixed the environment. I do hear they have nice beaches, so maybe we should clear it out and turn it into a resort island. We could put golf courses and gold buildings there!  Plus, Trump could recycle #maga. See, who says conservatives don't recycle?

G'day Mate! -CurtImage result for australian model