Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Awesome Lives Forever, Rest Now Princess

Did Carrie Fisher die because she was going to lose her affordable health care? -Kyrie, Cle

Dear Kyrie,
Carrie Fisher died from exposure to Hollywood. Look, the rapture is coming someday for all of us, but those who live the lifestyles associated with that modern day Saddam and Gonorrhea pretty much have horrible deaths coming to them quickly.  Whether she was acting in those Star War movies or fixing broken scripts or writing bad books, she was definitely living that Hollywood lifestyle. Making it to 60 is a major achievement in that horrific place.  I'm pretty sure most of them die around 30. Or is that just when they stop getting movie roles outside of playing grandmothers or queens? Once they have one wrinkle on their face, they are box office poison. 
Also, pretty sure she could die because George Lucas and his team of Jewish Lawyers figured out how to CGI her in Rogue One Now she can live forever and not in that sick, frozen way like everyone's favorite Tedsicle, Ted Williams. This is a huge relief for me, because I was saving money to freeze my head too.  So far I only have enough for my left ear, so I guess I can liquidate that money and use it to buy ad space for my Senate Run against Pocahontas. I didn't want to be a Curtsicle anyway. RIP to American royalty. We all just got dumber and uglier, and they said we couldn't do it!! USA!! -Curt

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