Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Communists Hacked Twitter To Quiet Curt

Dear Curt,
I can't live without your constant tweet storm? Where are you? -Anxious in Ansonia
Dear Anxious,

It's true, the liberal media elite hashbraggers have suspended me (@dearcurt) from Twitter, denying my scores, legions and gaggle of 12 followers the pleasure and guidance my tweets bring them.  I guess the trruths hurt and they can't face my all-right alt-right revolution.  Do I think it's a coincidence that the day after I post about Snowden my account is hacked and suspended?  Obviously it has nothing to do with my racist, misogynist, xenophobic rants where I blatantly resort to name calling and trolling? Because...When in Rome!  Soon, the Alt-Right media will overpower the Liberal Medial Elite (and Lezzy Warren) and then it will be @dearcurt 24-7 running the message to the sheeple! Exiled from Twittersville, -Curt 

Monday, November 28, 2016

Hillary Seduced Snowden, Then The Russians Hacked The Election: #Recount2016

Dear Curt,
Did Hillary Clinton force Edward Snowden and the Russians to hack the election so she could win the popular vote? We, the people, made sure Trump won the electoral college. But how did she do it? Are she and Snowden lovers?  -Joe, Weymouth

Dear Joe, 
Snowden spelled backwards is nedwons. "Ned" was Ned Martin, former Red Sox broadcasting legend.  So, what does that add up to? A CONSPIRACY!!! I haven't yet connected all the dots just yet but most stories about Snowden boil down to Dirty Bill's balls and Crooked Hillary's campaign. My interns are investigating. 

This recount is a sham. President Trump already received the lying Indian giver's concession. Once you call and quit, the election is over.  Look, nobody hacked the vote. The alt-right hacked the American consciousness, and now we all get to reap the rewards for a long Trump (at least 8 years) presidency.  I'll be in the Senate after Pocahontas Warren fails and we'll make America/Mass great again together. Suck it Libtards! -Curt

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Castro Voted For Hillary and Now He's Dead

Dear Curt, 
Did Castro vote for Hillary? -Carl, Danvers

Yes, I believe he did. (Hussein) Obama made all Cubans American citizens last year so they could leach off of the Affordable Care Act like true filthy communists. As a new American immigrant, Castro was able to vote and now he's dead. Coincidence? I seriously doubt it. Killery will now be able to rig the 'election' in Cuba just like she did in the 1 or 2 states she won. She'll be running that island like the White House Travel Office in no time, because for some reason she can't just sit at home and bake cupcakes like women are supposed to do. I stand with Florida. -Curt

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

The Indians Took Everything From Us, Thx Lezzy Warren

How dare this nasty buffalo jockey lesbian casino building woman build a coalition in the Democratic PartyI think she might even be secret ((jew)). Doesn't she recognize Donald's mandate with American people? 

Dear Anonymous,
The only thing the Democrats will be building is the wall. (Apparently the dirty Mexicans won't do it - too lazy). You won't have to worry about Warren for long, because me and the Alt-Right voters will trounce her.  I know the polls aren't looking great for me yet, but I seem to remember they weren't looking good for President Trump and look where he is (Trump Tower)Pocahontas represents a shameful American past. I mean look at the Indian thing in North, or South Dakota (Not sure).  Some Americans are trying to make oil prices cheaper with this pipeline, something that will only help the American workers and these Native UNAMERICANS are blocking it.  The Indians took everything from us. Our beads for Manhattan and now a stance against a pipeline? Lest we not forget how they destroyed Donald's Atlantic City with their ILLEGAL Casinos in Connecticut. Also, where are the feathers and mocs? These aren't the Indians we grew up with, with their laws and white man ways.  I thought they are supposed to commune with nature, not block it from bringing oil to the masses.
You might be right, Lezzy Warren may be a secret Jew. We probably want to come up with a system where we mark the Jews and Muslims so we know what's what. I'm thinking a tattoo of some sort?  Just a thought. -Curt  
Just look at the free water these lazy Indian protesters are getting on our dime!
Here's your homework kids, study this new #MAGA 'MERICA map for next time.

Monday, November 21, 2016

Michael Flynn Loves All Foreigners, Even the Cancers

Dear Curt, 
A good friend of mine just got a job consulting for a big real estate mogul. He's going to learn him how to deal with foreigners. The problem is he’s been a paid consultant for other foreigners and has been sitting in on classified USA intelligence daily briefings for months. That means he just loves all foreigners, right?
Also, congrats to Lt. General Flynn (Middletown, RI!) for his new role as national security adviser. It sure is comforting to hear someone say all Muslims are dirty jihadists and should be feared.

Curt, I know you are a bit of a tech wizard. Why does my keyboard have an “ALT” button, but no “RIGHT” button? Is this just the communist Chinese computer leftists. Do I still will have to manually type out my own racist slurs again and again. I could be busy burning things. Isn’t this something a non-white immigrant should do for me? -Richard, Richmond
Dear Dick,Congrats to your new friend. He'll be earning and spending in the USA, making it great again!  I don't understand the complexities of business, or real estate or classified briefings or foreigners. What I do know is that Daisuke ripped off the Red Sox and now that Trump is in office, we'll be repaying the favor and ripping off foreign countries for a change 

Look if even .0001% of Muslims are jihadists, shouldn't we view that as 100% so we stay safe?  Even the Red Chinese know this. Better to be safe than sorry.  
Just use : ALT+CTRL+R - That stands for "The Alt-Right controls all." -Curt

PS. Trump University will give you a comprehensive education in everything.

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Killary Once Smothered a Litter of Kittens

Dear Curt,
A Facebook friend told me on Snapchat that President Trump is going to put Crooked Hillary in jail in his first 100 minutes in office. Where do you think she should go? Maximum security or a chain gang? I've heard since Obama let all those ISISists go free that Gitmo has lots of empty rooms with no email access. Can we waterboard or just electro-Pence that nasty woman? They want to be treated as equals, right?  

As a true-fact, I know she once smothered a litter of kittens with a pants suit. - Jimmer, Fall River
Dear Jimmer,
Killary should be prosecuted beyond the full extent of the law. Some think that being cleared of these charges was enough, but I think where there's smoke, there's fire and where there is fire there are emails from Crooked Hillary.  
It's pretty simple to me, if you put our Republic at risk because your server is hacked, you should be on trial for treason.  Government servers are super secure and NEVER get hacked, and when you break the law, you face the piper.  I'm also pretty sure that private email servers are mentioned in the bible as being a mortal sin.  As for punishment, do they still have firing squads in Texas? Louisiana? Not sure, I'll have to research that, but I think that's the best way to teach people about sound records management practices.  First it's a private email server, next it's storing paper records in a humid warehouse.  So I have to ask, where does it end?   -Curt

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Russia is Very White and Red, Like Curt

Was wondering your personal preference to strong computer log-in security of your Motherland on laptop email. Is dis something Senator Schilling does? If so could please be kind as to post password/username for example. In secret office where I work, Putin cuts off thumbs even if we email meme to secretary. Sorry for my poor englash, I am just American Rustbelt cowboy, thank you for secrets. - Спасибо, Springfield

Dear Mr Springfield, 
Grammar is no big deal, it's just a liberal tool to keep common folks like us down. I'm a tech guy, like Elon Musk and Bill Gates so I am 100% safe with my password. I use a 43 bit encryption key and super good passwords like "Godhatesfags1!" See how I used capital letters and a special character? That's safety. I learned to be safe when I was creating my ground breaking game Kingdoms of Amular:Reckoning. I mean don't you think the World of Warcraft people tried to get a sneak peak at a shallow imitation of their game? I'm no dummy, so I invested a lot of time and taxpayer money to keep it secret and it worked. Liberals got hacked because they are soft on security
I'm sick of the Russia hating. It's a very white country, with strong leadership and a deeply troubling human rights agenda, especially when it comes to gays. 
Hack away hackers. Wikileaks is still exposing Hillary's sinister emails. Julian Assange is simply a great American Patriot! Just like you! -Curt

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Mount Trumpmore

Dear Curt,
I tried to grab one of my wives by the pussy, but unlike the other three, this one has an "INy" and I came away with nothing. I have small hands and keeping them to myself isn't an option, what should I do? Plz help Curt!!

Also, Since there are only 4 spots on Mt. Rushmore, which one should we ISIS off to make room for #45? Do we have to use the same filthy rock or can we use marble and gold? -Lenny, Salt Lake

Dear Lenny in Salt Lake,An iny? You might mean she's frigid.  That's a problem for every woman Curt has ever touched so I am very familiar with that. A fat bank account will help, but if you can't do that, just hang out with ugly people all the time.  DLowe used to love to hang with Curt back in the day for that very reason. 

Umm, Mount Rushmore will look awesome with a giant marble and gold Donald.  WTF did Teddy Roosevelt ever do? The Teddy Bear? Big deal.  Kids are into video games and the youtubes now, not teddy bears.  Time to Isis the hell out of at least two of those ancient heads.  Just leave Reagan and W intact up there. -Curt

Monday, November 14, 2016

We'll Have a Gay Old Time

Dear Curt,
I am so sick of the racist, xenophobic, antisemitic trash that you spew? Shut up and talk sports you Barney Rubble looking motherfucker. -John in New Haven

Dear John,
Haters gonna Hate! Hate the game not the Curt. 

First of all, never use that language with me. Dear Curt is a family friendly environment where I answer serious questions about the problems we face today, namely the Blacks, Browns, Jews, Muslims, Queers, Cross Dressers, Libtards, Feminazis, Gypsies, etc. Also, in case you weren't watching closely, I kind of flamed out on the sports thing, and the video game running thing (Until I found punditry and politics one of my friends even called me Steve Jobless!).  Also, the video game thing was all Rhode Island's fault, not mine. I'm not bitter at all that I blew all of my money on a video game company because in my heart of hearts, I love that game we made and it was worth the 50 million I spent on it. The 243 people who bought the game universally found it slightly above average with praise like: "Mediocre" and "6 out of 10", so I think I knew what I was doing.  It was the government, making me pay fair wages and give benefits, and they forced me to pay taxes, like some kind of chump.  Thank the good Lord that Trump is in office, and taxes on big business will disappear. Finally we can stimulate the economy and get the 3.9% of people out of work in jobs.
As for Barney Rubble comparison, I'm okay with that. I think he's got a certain charm about him... -Curt

Sunday, November 13, 2016

Mike Pence Will Shock The Kinky Gayness Out Of You

When will Mike Pence start elctro-shocking the gays into republicans? Only 25.4% voted red. There seem to be homos on every street corner now-a-days. We could use them votes in 4 years. -Chad, PTown

Dear Chad,
Seriously - water cannon + car battery = end of riots and gayness. Let's face it, the gay can be shocked out of you.  Mike Pence showed up at his high school prom in a pink frilly dress, and look at him now, wearing bomber jackets and driving Harleys around?  That guy is all man now.  And his plan is to use electro shock therapy to cure homosexuality. Conversion therapy is real, and it works. 
This one hits home, folks. For a while, Shonda thought she was gay, but it actually turned out she was just repulsed by me.  Trust me, we breathed a sigh of relief and prayed hard to thank the Lord that my wife was just disgusted by me, rather than by men in general.  Wow, am I a lucky guy or what? -Curt
Image result for gay red sox fans

Friday, November 11, 2016

Trump's Cabinet, Facebook Thinks So

Dear Curt, 
I scrolled past an article on Facebook that said you were running for Trump's cabinet. When I clicked the link there were 3 pop-ups, one about a dog that "what he did next would leave me in tears" and I followed that one for a while... 

But I'm pretty sure the title of the article said you were running for secretary of education or state. Which one would you prefer or are you taking both?

I'm glad you've found work, at 4.9% unemployment, it's rough out there. 

Please tell me these new jobs will not affect your campaign against that liberal crooked computer emailing mouth breather Lizziebeth Warren. I haven't seen one Facebook article about her. I stay very news informed and that's super fishy, if you ask me.  -Trixie, Revere 
Image result for facebook
Hi Trixie,
For every link you follow on that site I get .0002 cents that I can turn into campaign funds, so hit it hard Trixie!  If asked by King Trump, of course I’d serve in his cabinet. It would be an honor to serve for someone with vast political experience as I get prepped to face off against Lezzie Warren.  I don’t think I’d have a lot to do as secretary of education, we seem to have that one nailed down based on the election results and the emergence of alt right.  Secretary of State is perfect for me.  I pitched in Canada several times and have visited Sarah in Alaska (v close to Russia) where we shot baby seals with RPG’s out of her helicopter while Todd and Shonda lube-wrestled on a bearskin rug back by the fire at Chez Palin. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more alive or American.

I could also be Secretary of Defense.  Because of my service and brutal/brave injury while serving the nation, I think I’d be a prime candidate.  Let’s face it, most of these military heroes will look up to a guy who threw a baseball 100 times with a war torn, brutal ankle.  Let’s face it, that’s real heroism. Had we not pulled out that world series I would have had far less money to blow on video games.  At the time, the liberal doctors said I was carrying too much weight, but I proved them wrong by gaining another fifty and having zero bloody ankle problems in the last five years.

Seriously, with Steve Bannon on my side, I can probably be running Asia in two years, but for now my real focus is unseating that dykey windbag who is supported by mostly gay, brown terrorist feminazis.

When Bush was president I always had a job.  But once Obama became president, they said I was too old, fat and bitter to throw a baseball. I probably would have single handedly won the Sox another five WS rings. I obviously didn’t have the patience, intelligence or magnetism to run a video game company or talk about sports on tv, but I think I can be a tremendously fantastic United States Senator for the great state of Machusetts! #takingtheassoutofmass

Clicking on this Dawg will Change everything and leave u in tears.

(Look at this fancy, posh office, you paid for it sucker)

Thursday, November 10, 2016

Are Slaves Okay Again?

Dear Curt, 
Since we've taken Washington back from the liberals. It okay to own slaves again? I really need one. I don't even need a black; a journalist or someone who recycles will do. If Mexico gets deported (yes!) who's supposed to keep my yard trim and sweep up my used Pall Malls?

Also, is it Unchristian to scroll through all the google images of Melania Trump from time to time? Her Foreign/Arian accent kind of gets my jibber unadjusted, but in the #MAGA way. -Carl, Gloucester

Image result for melania trump bikini

Dear Carl,
The founding fathers were cool with owning slaves and I am too.  We'll keep just enough of the non-raping style Mexicans around to do our yard work, and kick the rest to the curb.  We'll have to build some tall ladders so they can climb the wall their families will be building.  (Then, of course we'll have to clean those ladders really well.)  
Don't worry, the Bible doesn't say anything about porn, or grabbing women by their privates. Besides, we need something to keep us happy when we're fixing 'Merica.  That's why God put women on the earth, as play things for rich white men. Except Shonda. She's like Mary. Pure as the driven snow. 

A Fat Out Total Lie

I NEVER said that. I Tweeted it! Big difference Liberal Losers. Canada Awaits You Matt Damon

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

To Begin Again...

Dear Curt,
I can’t believe we won. It’s time to make America great again.  King Donald is going to president the hell out of America.  Now we know all lives matter, guns are good and pussies are for grabbing.  How can I contribute to your campaign to beat that other dingbat running against you?  She may have a PhD, but she never pitched a world series game on one foot. (Checking google…no, she hasn’t!).  It’s pretty obvious that throwing a high nineties fastball and a nasty splitter is what Massachusetts needs right now.  We kicked the British to the curb, so crushing some loud mouthed broad will be a slam dunk for us.  They say white people rage is what won the election for King Donald, and I think you have a lot of that bubbling up inside you and it is dying to come out all over Elizabeth’s ugly professor face.  Her words are scary because she wants to kill white babies, by ripping them from the womb.  I’m no doctor, but that’s straight up murder. She also wants to pay gay, Muslim transtesticles more than white men who are far more qualified and white than "those people."
White might is right, and Curt, you are the whitest guy I’ve ever seen. I know you can’t go out in daylight much (Just like Rudy Giuliani!) because your fair skin will get all cancer-y.  I think Lezzie Warren sits in the satanic hell sun and fantasizes about taking my red, white and blue guns.  She will have to pry them from my cold, dead, white fingers.

Just a concerned voter here, hoping you are running and wondering if I send the check to your video game company or to you directly?

Krazy Koncerned Kitizen, Tommy in Malden

Dear Tommy,
I can take your money and turn it into political capital right away. We are going to take the ass out of Mass and keep the babies inside the wombs.  Warren is a lightweight, and I could KKK her easily with my secondary pitches.  Yes, the sun gave me cancer, but I beat it so I could fix the Commonwealth for the people. Attorney General Giuliani is going to lock up all the criminals…the liberals and brown people.  Once all those d-bags are locked up, they can’t vote against me.  I plan on running a “More Trump than Trump” campaign.  You’ll see, we’ll make Mchussets great again.  (See, I have already taken the ASS out!!!) When I’m done, Mchusetts will be more Louisiana than Louisiana and Arkansas combined.  That’s my promise to you, Mchusetts voters. No dead babies and enough guns for all (including all the unwanted babies).  Also, that’s a great economic plan.